I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
