I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
