who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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