Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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