I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
