Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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