how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
