I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize