took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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