There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ttyl tear gas
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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