I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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