thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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