party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
