i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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