he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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