she looked like the before picture.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
