I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
