I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
