Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
