nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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