At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
