im having a threesome with these popsicles
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize