Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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