I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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