What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
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You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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