Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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