Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I checked into jail on foursquare
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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