oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
