It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
