Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
