Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
