i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
