god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
