my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
