making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love you.
Bad choice
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