apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
