Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
