if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
