I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.