Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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