He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.