The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015