I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.