Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.