Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.

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  (732): I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it. http://tfl.nu/eqvw
  Replies (66) Good night (1920) Bad night (3963)
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  (718): View more from New York

  it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store

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  (718): it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store http://tfl.nu/b87c
  Replies (8) Good night (4760) Bad night (999)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

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  (817): she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it. http://tfl.nu/rt8c
  Replies (10) Good night (4013) Bad night (1110)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.

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  (410): I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in. http://tfl.nu/o54w
  Replies (2) Good night (1898) Bad night (1028)
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  (310): View more from California

  I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame

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  (310): I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame http://tfl.nu/qjff
  Replies (14) Good night (3472) Bad night (1214)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it

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  (504): The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it http://tfl.nu/4bhh
  Replies (14) Good night (4403) Bad night (936)
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  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

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  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2815) Bad night (1061)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.

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  (413): I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened. http://tfl.nu/qzdq
  Replies (10) Good night (2771) Bad night (1171)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.

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  (813): So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges. http://tfl.nu/t5l6
  Replies (6) Good night (1777) Bad night (585)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, that was you

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  (215): Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick? (215): Yeah, that was you http://tfl.nu/rydz
  Replies (7) Good night (3006) Bad night (988)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...

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  (307): My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls... http://tfl.nu/pef0
  Replies (3) Good night (998) Bad night (546)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?

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  (845): I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here? http://tfl.nu/28so
  Replies (7) Good night (448) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Oh my god I found my bf's erotica

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.

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  (270): Oh my god I found my bf's erotica (270): OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA. (270): OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA. http://tfl.nu/oils
  Replies (3) Good night (1589) Bad night (268)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.

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  (803): I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean. http://tfl.nu/4wmr
  Replies (5) Good night (425) Bad night (244)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.

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  (248): Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up. http://tfl.nu/1llp
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (232)

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