i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
