I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
