he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
