considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
