I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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