We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
