cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
