I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
