in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
false alarm, still single
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
