Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
