this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
