So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
