I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
