dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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