Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
