shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
