i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
