Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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