Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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