she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I will pee on everything he values.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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