I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
