Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
