if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
