She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
