Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
