after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
