The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just had sex on a roof
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
