Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
