so let's talk penis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
