I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
